Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
