mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
