i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
