P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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