Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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