There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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