Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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