Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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