She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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