two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
