meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Someone shit on the floor
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
