I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
