I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
