Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My life is pants optional.
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