He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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