I just threw up on my dentist
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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