I wish I could teleport
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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