i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
