I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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