either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
