DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
