i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
