yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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