So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
