i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
