Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
