he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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