Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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