I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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