I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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