my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
