Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize