Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
