I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
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He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
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Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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