Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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