well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
