Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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