Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
