Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
