oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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