I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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