I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize