The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
