From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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