His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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