I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
