where am i from again
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
