You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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