So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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