My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
3pm strippers are depressing
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
