So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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