She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
