Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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