also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
