you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
