I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
