how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
