hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
