Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
