umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
