i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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