You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
