singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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