I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
the liver wants what the liver wants
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
