was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
