He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
