He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
