So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
