i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
