I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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