I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
