were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just cropdusted the office
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
