hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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