So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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