it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You need Xanax blowdarts
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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