My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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