I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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