Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize