ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Don't make out with my wife yet
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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