oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We are two peas in an std pod
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
