goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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