watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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